After reflecting on three years of Marriage, and I would like to say pretty good years in my opinion, there are definitely a few things that have not lined up with how both the cultural society I grew up in and the advice given by my Youth and Young Adult Church congregations have said about marriage. I know marriage is a long journey and I am still a novice in the field. I have much to learn. But considering that I felt like I was on the way to become an incel before things in my life turned around to where I am today, I feel like there are words to say on the matter. Anyways, here are my controversial (and it looks like slightly charged) thoughts that you did not ask for on marriage and seeking marriage.
For Men seeking marriage:
If you do not have an accurate understanding of the Love that Christ has for you, then you probably do not have an accurate understanding of how to love a woman in a marriage. Christ loves you unselfishly and unconditionally. You need to love a wife without believing that it will selfishly benefit you in the end. You are going to be giving a lot more than receiving, and that is a really good thing for you. -Don’t know how to spend your time waiting for your future wife to appear in your life? Learn how to cook, learn how to clean, learn how to take care of yourself. Learn how to be hospitable to everyone in your life. If you need/want/expect a wife to do these things for you, then you are still a child waiting to be parented and not a man willing to enter in a mutual relationship.
For the Church in speaking about Marriage:
Stop talking about sex with your hot wife a lot to spice up your sermons. Convincing people that waiting for sex is a hotter/sexier choice, is like convincing someone that eating healthy is a better high than shooting heroine. It’s not, Porn is sexier than marital sex, and heroine is a better high than flax seeds. Focusing on sex in marriage defeats the other 100 reasons why marriage is a positive thing in a human’s life, and by doing so, you will make marriage fail when they find out that they don’t get the same high they did when watching porn.
So much time is spent attempting to theologically justify the concept that Men are the leaders of the household, when it would be so much more useful taking the time to explain to men what loving their wives ACTUALLY means. Christ lived as the leader of the church, and he was mocked, beaten, and crucified to glorify his people. It was not a powerful position, and neither is men “leading” the household. We justify leadership as power over women, when it should be the EXACT opposite.
For Albertan Society at Large
My wife is amazing, like actually mind boggling amazing. She has 3 degree’s and is brilliant. She works way harder and more diligent than when she is passionate about something. I play video games in my spare time and she learns how to garden and parent better and keeps up to politics and paints and reads. She used her wisdom and talents and became a school teacher to help children to read and write. She is the one that took maternity because she wanted to raise our son (and is way better at it than I). We decided that I would probably be the one to keep my job because my work is less stressful and I get paid more. Please read that last sentence again if you still don’t believe in gender inequality in the workplace (I only have an applied degree). She is kind, loving, full of wisdom, passionate, smart, and a hundred other things. If there is ANY Biblical theology (or political ideology) teaching that I in a marriage have ANY level of intrinsic power or control over my wife because I was blessed with a Penis, is hot garbage. If I have power in my marriage it will be used to get her the respect, admiration, compensation, and audience she deserves, as a Mother, and as the FRICKEN PROFESSIONAL that she is.
And for Everyone:
Stop using ball & chain jokes and calling people whipped. I love my wife and will proudly continue to do so. Quit using depreciating jokes to convince me that having power over my wife is better than having a relationship with her. Maybe you should try treating your wife/girlfriend/mother as a human being instead.
